What next?

As I stare at the second side of my mat leave ( the baby turned 7 months on Tuesday!) I keep wondering what is next for me?

The thought of being 25 married with two kids and realising that this huge chapter of my life is over is terrifying. I had my first son at 22, married at 23 and have my second son just two weeks after my 25th birthday. I remember having my third to last doctors check up for the baby on my birthday and my doctor asked me how I felt about my birthday. My response was what do I do now? I am done having kids, married, have a house and a dog. Don't get me wrong these are all things I fantasised about while I was young,. I just never thought it would be over so fast. I quickly realised how unprepared I am for this next chapter of my life.

Between my two kids I worked at a bank as a teller. Don't get me wrong I enjoyed my job and the people I worked with were wonderful. I love working with people and being out in the public. The problem that we are now running into is the cost of child care. For us to have the two boys in full time it is going to eat 1342$ a month of our income ( ouch!). I do understand that this is short term as our eldest will be in school in a year and a half.. and the baby a couple years after... but I don't know where the balance comes.

The other thing I have become aware of is that my husband is passionate about his job. He lives and breaths it. He enjoys getting up in the morning and going off to work.. I honestly didn't know that this could happen. For him it is more than a paycheck it is part of him. I took a moment the other day in my yoga training to reflect on what am I passionate about? I have an incredible draw to my health and the health of others. I am very aware of my overall health and that of my family. I try my best to be the best I can in that regard. I have always had a strong pull towards nutrition and maintaining a good lifestyle. I think that is what drew me to yoga.. which I just continuously fall more and more in love with and want to dive deeper in. Then this thoughts came into my mind.. what about becoming a personal trainer? I have expressed my thoughts to a couple of people but something my best friend said the other day really resonated with me. She said " Katelyn you know you have been on this path for a while"..

I started looking into how to start this path and got completely overwhelmed by what course to take ( it would have to be online as nowhere close to me offers any classroom classes).. It is defiantly a career path that I would like to explore more.... but then there is a side of me that says go back to the bank you were happy there... maybe there is a balance I can find there?

Regardless of what I do the next part of my life will be completely different than where I have been now.. I will redefine myself in the sense that I am no longer starting a family but growing it, no longer working at a job but my career.. a part of me is scared beyond belief but a part of me can't wait to start page 1 of chapter 2 ..

Nameste!


Any other moms out there in this dilemma.. any words of advice?

Judgement

The other day I was on facebook and noticed a post from someone asking what would we do or change if we knew we wouldn't be judged?

Of course my first thoughts were what I would do .. but then I stopped for a second and thought why do we let people judge us?

I started diving more into those thoughts.. why do we let strangers that have no direct effect on our life control our decisions to some extend? Why do we not allow ourselves to life outloud and in our truth because we are scared that somebody will snark at us?

People that "judge" us are typically nobody that we hold dear to us or are in our inner circle. I mean who wants a friend that is constantly judging them? Nobody... so we don't have them. It is incredible to me to realise that I have made choices in my life not because I wanted to but because I felt like I had to to keep those judging eyes off of me. How come I have given these people that I don't even care and who don't really care about me the power to sculpt my decisions because of the fear of judgement?

I have decided that I am going to try my best to live outloud, speaking the truth of my experience and those that care about me will get it and to those who don't.. that is ok with me they are normally only in my life for a split second anyways.

I challenge you to look inwards to yourself and speak your truth as well.


On a side note:

We got our first snowfall this weekend which put me in the mood for soups and chili.. here are some pics of the two soups I made over the weekend -- broccoli and cheddar ( with quinoa ) and roaster red pepper .. yummy!

                                                               finished soup! so good!

                                                          Roasted Pepper ..

What time is it?

Going through my yoga trainer has given me a deeper craving to get myself in shape and reward my body for all that it has done for me.I currently practice yoga in the studio 3-4 times a week and try to squeeze in some home practice however with a 7 month old crawling around and on Monday and Fridays my 3 year old running around sometimes that is a bit more difficult than I wish. So I decided to start going back to the gym. I am tired of beating myself up over the bit of flab on my arms or stomach and decided to do something about it. Perfect! Right?

Here is the catch though no gyms ( all 2 of them) in the town don't offer childcare. Frustrating! So I reached out to my sister in law to go to the gym in the morning... and by morning I mean being at the gym on the treadmill at 6 am! Yikes!

                                                  Yes that is 5:48 am...

This morning was the first morning we executed our plan. I set the alarm for 530 am and was at the gym on time at 6.. wow.. and surprising actually loved the drive in the morning.. there was something very peaceful and calming at that time in the morning.. it seems very pure to me.. I had no problem getting into the groove at the gym and by the time I got home just after 715 I felt energized getting laundry done and showering allowing the other men in my house to sleep in until close to 9..

 I should mention that I was in bed before 9 last night to prep myself .. party mama eh?

Our plan is to go Tuesday and Thrusday mornings and then once on the weekend at a later time. I feel determined to get into this routine and can hardly wait to reap the rewards of my early mornings.. Hey nobody has ever said working out wasn't worth their time!

It was so nice having the organic conversation, laughs and sweats with my sister in law in the morning when we were pretty much at the gym alone.

 I will keep you posted on my workouts!


Nameste

A helpful hint- I know for myself it isn't easy getting up at that hour so that is why I reached out for a partner.. Knowing I have someone waiting for me at the gym gets me to get up and get there on time..

What is your favorite music to listen to at the gym? what keeps you motivated?

Labels

As I work my way through my yoga teacher training we are challenged to look deeper into ourselves. Understand why we think and do what do we. Are we just doing the status quo? or are we speaking out loud? Why do we react the way we do to certain situations and people?
 Don't get me wrong I don't have the answer to any of these questions.. I think it is something inside of us that we need to wake up and in doing so allowing ourselves to be vunerable and becoming connected with ourselves ( body and mind) again.

Yesterday in class we touched on labels and ego. This struck a cord with me. Why do we have to label everything?  Fat, skinny, mean, nice, smart, dumb, anxious, all of our food.. I could go on forever.. What would happen if we dropped the labels and just lived as ourselves. What if I stopped labelling myself as a young mom of two who struggles with anxiety? and just became Katelyn. Not living up to the expectation of what has been "given" to me but of who I am? No I am not perfect, none of us are but when we drop the labels it is liberating. I shouldn't have to live up with someone else's expectation of mySelf. We do only have to answer to ourSelves so why are we so tangled and "defined" by what lables others have given us?

Now I clearly don't have the answers to all these questions and am going to spend some time on my mat today doing some yoga and digesting these thoughts and understanding why I have become so passionate about it. I feel like I need to dive in deeper but thought I would share these thoughts.

Nameste!

The challenge of meals

First off oops I can't believe it has been over two weeks since my last post. I guess I need to keep myself a bit more motivated to get on here more often.

Now I don't know about meals for everyone out there but in my household it seems to be a challenge. Even before I first start to prepare a meal, I have to come up with one first. The challenge starts here, I am a vegetarian ( with the exception of a bit of fish.. sushi is my vice ) and my husband and sons eat meat ( I believe it is  their choice to make ). I also have very limited dairy in my diet ( personal preferance) and my son doesn't drink regular milk because of a milk sensativity he had as an infant. We are all convereted to Almond milk and really who wants to switch back after you enjoy the almond milk goodness... My husband is good at trying my meals but I know deep down sometimes they aren't a hit but I will give him credit for smiling and somehow getting it down.

The next challenge is my son is so picky. I guess we allow him to be because according to his daycare he is an excellent eater and will eat anything that is put in front of him. I suppose he knows at home there are options and hey who wouldn't want to try and eat cookies for dinner if they are around.

I often find myself preparing three different variations of dinner.
1) A vegetarian option for myself
2) Adding meat into my hubby
3) something totally different for my son ( right now he is big into rice and edaname beans, veggie hot dogs, mac and cheese and chicken )

The other hiccup I find is that I get into a groove and have little inspiration for new meal ideas.. I seem to have a couple of go to's that I struggle to go away from our rotation includes
lasagna, homemade mac and cheese, homemade burgers ( veggie for me, turkey for the boys), pad thai, homemade soups ( broccoli and cheddar is a fan fav right now), chicken souvlakis, homemade pizzas and spaghetti

Every so often though I find the inspiration to try a new recipe although I feel like it needs to be a bit more often..

Shocking Lasagna is on the menu tonight!

what are your meal ideas? any suggestions into my menu choices?

2 versus 1

When I first found out I was pregnant with my eldest son there were so many emotions going on. First shock and awe ( he wasn't exactly something we had planned) and then sheer excitement as we watched my belly grow, heard the heartbeat and fell in love with this human that we had created. As he started inching towards 18 months I knew I wanted another one but had a hard time making the commitment to start trying for the second. On one hand I knew I wasn't done having kids, and my eldest was ready for a sibling but then there was the other side that was still enjoying being able to have a glass of wine and having my body back. I guess the beautiful thing about your first pregnancy is you have no idea what you have gotten yourself into. With the second however you know the pain of labor, the mood swings, the stretch marks are all coming back. ( don't get me wrong though I wouldn't trade the my world, my kids are everything to me). Lucky for us though as we were having the never ending debate as to when to "start trying" I discovered I was pregnant. As my pregnancy was growing to the end I found myself once again incredibly excited to meet my second son but at the same time I bit sad that my solo days with my first son were over. However having a second child was the best decision I have ever made. It makes my heart melt when I hear the kids laughing together and when my eldest insists on kissing his brother good night and morning. I truly believe they will be best friends for life. For us the leap from 1 to 2 was amazing and exactly what we needed to complete our family. I now feel a total sense of bliss as a look at my family knowing that we are a complete and solid unit.

I hope all you families out there share in my love with your families.

Some helpful hints -
After I gave birth to the baby we bought our eldest a " present" from the baby to make him feel special and throw a big brother party at his daycare where he got to proudly show off his baby brother